The Art of (Really) Disconnecting

Jan. 6

We’re so connected these days, but all of that connectivity comes at a cost: it’s tremendously distracting and draining, and can take the joy out of life. In this article, we’ll take a look at some tips for mastering the art of really disconnecting.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” —Anne Lamott

How often do you check your phone throughout the day?

Most of us might be slightly embarrassed to admit just how often we reach for our phone. On average, we’re checking our phones 47 times a day, and a few studies indicate some of us are doing it every 6.5 minutes!

Think we’re a little attached to our devices? Addicted might be more accurate.

Obviously, you’re not alone. So many of us have trouble unplugging. But the inability to do so comes at a cost, especially for younger people. It also hampers our ability to be productive and present for others when we really need to be. Once I understood the downsides of being “over-connected,” I started making some adjustments in my own life. And I encourage people that I care about to do the same.

I want to help you embrace the art of disconnecting so you can reap the benefits of a more connected life.

It’s a habit you can curtail with some small adjustments. And not to worry, any withdrawal symptoms you experience are wholly positive and very temporary.

Why Can’t I Put My Phone Down?

Before you start beating yourself up about your phone addiction, know that the reason you can’t put it down is rooted in science.

You’re probably familiar with dopamine; it’s the feel-good neurotransmitter in our brains. And whenever we feel it, we want more.

And our phones and devices deliver it in huge doses.

It starts with a cheerful ding from your phone telling you someone has texted. Yay! Someone is thinking of me! A different sound from Facebook notifies you that someone has liked your post. Ah, validation! You don’t realize it, but your brain gets hooked on those feelings.

You’ve basically hopped aboard a train called the Dopamine Express. And it’s on a never-ending, reward-seeking loop. And boy, is it hard to get off.

And did I mention that it costs you a lot more than the price of the ticket?

The Cost of Being Constantly Connected to Our Phones

All those good feelings are temporary and, well, inauthentic. Adults certainly experience the downsides of constant connectivity, and it has an even more severe impact on teenagers.

Here’s what we’re susceptible to when we’re always on our devices.

Depression

We all know that too much social media can leave us feeling drained. Hours spent scrolling through Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok leads to passive engagement or not engaging directly with others, and usually we feel much worse for it.

Studies have linked the use of social media to depression, anxiety, poor sleep quality, low self-esteem, inattention, and hyperactivity—often in teens and adolescents.

Some kids are literally losing the ability to interact socially.

Add to that a little FOMO, feelings of isolation, and lack of sleep and you can understand why the medical community is seeing a rise in teen depression.

Social media just isn’t that healthy for any of us, especially not for extended periods of time.

Toxicity and Cyberbullying

The more we’re attached to our devices, the more we expose ourselves to toxic content and even cyberbullying.

For example, engaging in what we think is fun, mindless entertainment can have a negative impact on our self-esteem. Consider how many images are circulating the internet that have been heavily Photoshopped, filtered, or doctored in some way. We look at Instagram images of people living their best lives and wish that we could measure up. But while we may know, deep down, that these images are not real and that people tend to put a polished exterior up on social media for others to see, all of this exposure to unrealistic ideals does something to us, often at a subconscious level. It makes us feel inadequate and lacking. And at times, it can be downright toxic.

For teenagers, it can be even worse. Overexposure to social media can be tremendously damaging to someone who’s still discovering who they are and how life works. Far too often, we hear that a young person has tragically taken his or her life. Later, we often learn that they were a victim of cyberbullying. Constant connectivity means kids who are bullied never really have a safe space to go, and the end result can be tragic.

Sleep Disruption

The screens of our devices emit a lot of blue light which can affect the hormones in our brains. Specifically, blue light can interfere with melatonin production, which helps to regulate sleep.

The consequences of sleep disruption or deprivation are well-known and include heightened stress, depression, anxiety, and decreased cognitive and memory function. When we don’t get enough sleep, we’re not able to function at our best and have trouble processing things properly.

Wasted Time

The most obvious downside of being overly attached to our devices is they can waste a tremendous amount of time. Time we could otherwise spend getting things done or, you know, interacting with actual humans.

And when our phones are always within reach, we’re more likely to get sucked into the internet vortex. That’s when you hop online to check something and that leads to something else you decide to read, and an hour later, you’re wondering what the heck just happened.

Think about what you could do with a little more time. You could spend it with the people you love. You could tackle a few nagging items on your to-do list. You could invest more time in your small business, or even fit in a few sessions with a business coach for women. It’s up to you!

Stress

Ah, good old stress. As entrepreneurs, it’s no stranger to us. In many ways, though, constant connectivity makes the stress far worse. The ability to always be connected to work means that we often are. As a result, we don’t often fully step back from work to unwind. We’re answering emails around the clock and constantly feeling as though we can’t switch off. But being able to take time off from our phone and work is crucial. Not only will it help you to obtain a healthy balance, it’ll also give you a chance to recharge your batteries. When you do switch on again, after a healthy break away, you’ll be refreshed, revived, and ready to go again when you return.

What Does It Mean to Fully Disconnect?

You know THAT moment you experience when you’re on vacation? For me, it usually happens around day four. I feel my body and mind just...release.

This is exactly what happens when you don’t think about your business, your to-do list, or what’s going on in the world for a certain amount of time.

If only we could take longer and more frequent vacations! But you can experience this feeling to some degree without having to escape to a tropical paradise. Just like anything, it just takes time and practice.

5 Ways to Disconnect From Your Devices

I’m putting my business coach cap on in order to recommend ways you can begin disconnecting from those darn devices. Try one or two and see what impact it has on your day. Of course, you should encourage your children to test some out too.

1 - Download a Screen Time Tracker

First, you’ll want to get a baseline of the seriousness of your device dependency by installing a screen time tracker app. Seeing how much time you’re spending online can be eye-opening. Wherever you’re at, try reducing screen time by 10% every day. After a week, see if you can reduce it further.

2 - Set Aside No-Screen Hours

Of course there are times you’ll need to be online for business reasons, but if possible, try to commit to a few hours every day that will be device-free. Consider choosing your most productive hours so you can focus on your business without interruption. You’ll also want to make sure you designate that hour before bed screen-free to ensure a better night’s rest. Apps that can help with this include Self Control, which allows you to block or restrict your time on the most distracting websites, and Freedom, which will disable your internet connection for a set period of time.

While you’re at it, try dedicating specific days and times to checking and posting to your social accounts. Maybe half an hour each day, or even two or three days a week. Then resolve not to check those sites any other time during the week.

3 - Turn Off Notifications

There’s no legitimate reason to enable Facebook or other social media notifications, right? So just disable them. I encourage you to do the same with text and email notifications. You can leave your ringer on, and tell those closest to you that the best way to reach you quickly is the old-fashioned way.

4 - Find New Ways to Unwind

Sometimes we try to use our devices to unwind. We use apps to lull us to sleep or might play a mindless game for entertainment. We actually use our phones to help us relax. How backward is that?

Next time you need a break, try something else. Take a short walk, call a friend, write a thank-you note. Grab a cookbook off the shelf and find something new to make for dinner. Read a chapter of a book or something uplifting. You’ll feel recharged, refreshed, and ready to go again.

5 - Reconnect With Humans

Make plans to reconnect with people you care about. Schedule coffee with friends. Plan a date night, or better yet, a retreat with your partner. Commit to device-free zones—like the table during meals—and set times so the people in your household can connect face to face.

What Disconnecting Can Do For You

As you start incorporating small changes, be sure to note how it impacts your daily life. Pay special attention to your:

Overall mood
Stress levels
Energy levels
Ability to focus
Productivity
Connection with others
Free time

Commit to Creating a New Habit

Breaking an old habit is really about creating a new habit, so look to replace something that you’re trying to stop with something new instead. On average, a new behavior becomes automatic after 66 days. I have a feeling you’ll have great success disconnecting from your devices much sooner than that. Give it a try and see the positives it brings to your life.

What are some other ways YOU’VE been able to disconnect? What is the biggest benefit you’ve noticed?

Header image credit: Daria Shevtsova from Pexels